Why do you want to do this?

Why do you want to do this? I woke up in the morning and forced myself to go to the shower. The hot water kept pelting down my back and I looked straight into the blank tiled wall in the shower cubicle.

Why do you want to do this? This question kept racing through my head as one minute slipped into another... You could be at home in the comfort of a beautiful bed, fluffy cats and amidst little pleasures that come with living with your parents at the age of 25.

 You won’t have to start from ground up. All these friends, acquaintances and strangers you met at some point in your hustle and bustle in your city of birth; they are all there waiting for you and now moving on with their lives.

 The clock was ticking. The shuttle bus was going to leave any minute. I looked into the mirror and hurriedly dabbed on a shade of matte pink lipstick. Why do you want to do this? You won’t have to make this mad dash to work every morning. Dad will let you take the car and probably have the driver drop you to your destination.

 “Morning Prachi!”

“Morning buddy…”

 I put my headphones on and zoned out to Donald Grover’s rant on pains of growing up, “if we were kids, I’d want to give you everything that you would want.”

Mindlessly logged onto my Facebook account and saw a barrage of posts in my newsfeed.

“India Blocks 857 Pornography sites, Defying Supreme Court Decision”

 What is happening in our country? From one ridiculous ban to another… Why are you here? You should be there where you should be making a difference. Why do you want to do this?

 “We don’t hire grad students anymore. I’m sorry but we have to let you go. You were probably the best we’ve ever had.”

 “Thanks. I understand.”

Type. Type. Type. Type away.

“You should probably try applying to this place, Prachi. You’ll be a great fit.”

 “Is it a non-federal work study?”


 “Then I can’t. #InternationalStudentProblems”

 Go back home. They don’t even want you to work here. They want you to get out of this place as soon as they can boot you out. Why do you want to do this?

 “I want this internship but I need this campus job as well.”

 “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

 You want the world, Prachi. But is it even possible? Why shouldn’t it be possible? I’m ready to put in the effort. Blood, sweat, hours and a few pounds of fat. Why wouldn’t they want you?

 The breeze brushed my hair against my ears, almost teasing and softly caressing my neck.

 “Hey guys, can we stop here for a moment?”

 It was right in front of me, the reflection of the city in the mild ripples on the Hudson River. We had our small dance of cat and mouse.

© Prachi Gohil

“Hey New York, make a place for me in your heart. It makes more sense for me to go elsewhere. I could always go back home and lead an equally exciting, if not more, life. Sometimes, I become weak. Especially when my mom calls me to tell me how much she misses me. But there’s something about you.

 Even though there are these 100 odd hurdles that are coming my way. There’s something about you that I can’t let go. Maybe, I’m not meant to be here forever. I have no qualms about that. You’ll find more young thirsty women thronging at your gates asking you to fulfill their dreams. But for now, this woman wants to make a mark here.

 I won’t stop. You’re going to have to make me stop. I’ll find my place.”