I went out today to see a doctor. My right leg has been hurting since more than half a year now. I always thought that maybe it's a figment of my imagination. Turns out it is a serious injury that’s going to take a considerable time to heal.
Most of the things in my life have been a bit like that. I always dismissed every problem worth my concern as a stupid excuse to crib. Maybe, it's not hurting that much. Maybe, it’s in my head. I'm supposed to bear the pain. It's just a bruise, no need for me to complain. Sit on a sofa and bear your pain in silence. They taught this to me while I was still very young.
You don't let anyone know how hurt you are. Never crib about the lemons that life throws at you. Keep a straight face or smile in the face of adversity. I did. I did that so sincerely that now I keep smiling all the time (mostly) irrespective of what sorrows plague my life.
I never know when something is actually hurting me because I have to constantly live with the pain. If you live with chronic pain long enough it becomes a part of you. So much so that you don't even realise that it exists. So much so that even when you bleed dry, you have no clue what just happened to you because you hid that wound. You didn't show it to anyone. Not even yourself.
I can't do a lot of physical activity due to the chronic pain in my leg. I didn't realise that I was purposely not doing certain activities, cancelling plans or sitting in a particular posture just to make myself more comfortable with the pain. I accommodated this leg problem so well in my daily life that i never took any medical assistance. Until, I started cribbing about it to my family. On days I even said, "Can I cut off my leg and just stop this pain?”
My family goaded me into going to our family physician. I considered it for a few days (read: weeks) and eventually setup an appointment. My doctor's first reaction was, “Chronic pain is more dangerous than acute pain. You should've come to me earlier. Why did you wait for so long?” I had no answer to that, of course.
I asked myself - why DID i wait for this long? I guess, I'm so much of procrastinator that i accept procrastinating as a normal behaviour. It's normal to put off issues for a week, two weeks, a month or even 2 months. But 6 months.. 1 year.. 3 years??
I'm completely unaware about the other chores, problems, issues etc. that I've been procrastinating. Until obviously one day i feel like cutting off a leg or something.
We do this, ever so often. We become so used to living with our problems that we do nothing about it. We accept those maladies as a part of our life and just go on. When life throws lemons at you, they say you should make lemonade; not store them in the refrigerator till they become so hard that you need a chainsaw to cut them into halves.
Maybe, I should make a list to go through things I've been putting off. Lists always help! I've been dwelling with this Procrastinator's curse for far too long.
It's time for change.
It's time to de-procrastinate before I actually have to cut off a limb!
(P.S: If I’ve promised something to you and haven’t done it yet, please remind me to put that on the list.)